Dear Friends,
October 23, 2025
As I mentioned in the August update, I signed up for TAPS advocacy week, which took place in Washington, DC, from September 15 to the 18th. It involved two and a half days of ongoing activity: an organizational afternoon/evening, and two full days on The Hill.
While TAPS scheduled the meetings on The Hill, I was one of five “lay” advocate volunteers, each advocating for a different cause or piece of legislation.
My advocacy centered on a new legislative ask: Treat suicide as a presumptive service-connected death for veterans, and prioritize mental health and wellness. Although Noah died while still on active duty, this cause afforded me the opportunity to tell his story and to suggest that, as the majority of active-duty and veteran suicide deaths occur among service members who never saw combat, we must look at the impact of military culture on our service memberswhile on active duty, in order to understand why so many of our veterans come out traumatized by their military experiences.
Because Noah was a resident of New Jersey, I was assigned to meet with lawmakers from New Jersey and New York. I expected our meetings to be short and with lawmakers’ aides. This, however, was not the case. I had a total of 14 meetings. They included:
- Rep. Nicole Malliotakis (R-NY)
- Top aide to Rep. Dan Goldman (D-NY)
- Senator Kirsten Gillibrand (D-NY), with whom I was fortunate to have a one-on-one conversation
- Top aide to Rep. LaMonica McIver (D-NJ)
- Top aide to Rep. Watson Coleman (D-NJ)
- Top aide to Rep. Joe Morelle (D-NY)
- Top aide to Rep. Joe Riley (D-NY)
- Top aide to Senator Andy Kim (D-NJ)
- Rep. Pat Ryan (D-NY)
- Top aide to Rep. Hakim Jefferies (D-NY), from whom I received a follow-up email encouraging me to continue my advocacy
- Top aide to Senator Chuck Schumer (D-NY)
- Top aide to Rep. Nick Langworthy (R-NY)
- Top aide to Rep. Claudia Tenney (R-NY)
- Rep. Donald Norcross (D-NJ), who represents Noah’s district, and with whom I was also fortunate to have a one-on-one conversation.
I did not feel rushed during any of our meetings, and everyone was fully attentive. I was also able to leave a letter telling Noah’s story and my card at the end of each meeting with an invitation to visit my website.
I’ve been told that 14 “contacts” out of over 500 senators and representatives is a “drop in the bucket”. And I say, a drop in the bucket is better than nothing. I was so very grateful for this opportunity, and though this was an exhausting, both physically and emotionally, experience, it was worth the effort, and my intention is to make repeat visits to The Hill on my own to continue telling Noah’s and so many others’ stories with the hope we can save lives.
With this in mind, I would like to briefly talk about our Secretary of War, Pete Hegseth’s September 30 th speech to the assembled generals, admirals, and others. No doubt, he is a dynamic and powerful speaker, and it would be easy to be swept along and miss some of the alarming portions of his speech.
What is more concerning is that what a secretary of war says isn’t mere speech – it’s a directive. Let me be clear – a strong, disciplined, and cohesive military is a necessity, but such strength, discipline, and cohesion must be achieved without cruelty inflicted by military leaders given the green light to abuse with impunity and without fear of consequences. Yes, toxic leaders do exist, and soldiers like Noah and countless others have fallen victim to their cruelty, and that while we’ve been operating under a supposed “woke” leadership.
I fear for the lives of many who will now be subjected to such treatment with the full approval and encouragement from our Secretary of War. Passages such as these strike terror in my heart:
“The definition of toxic has been turned upside down, and we’re correcting that. That’s why, today, at my direction, we’re undertaking a full review of the department’s definitions of so-called toxic leadership, bullying, and hazing, to empower leaders to enforce standards without fear of retribution or second-guessing.
“People (leaders) make honest mistakes, and our mistakes should not define an entire career. Otherwise, we only try not to make mistakes, and that’s not the business we’re in. We need risk takers and aggressive leaders, and a culture that supports you (leaders),” and “…to that point, basic training is being restored to what it should be, scary, tough, and disciplined. We’re empowering drill sergeants to instill healthy fear in new recruits, ensuring that future warfighters are forged. Yes, they can shark attack, they can toss bunks, they can swear, and yes, they can put their hands on recruits.”
Watch the entire speech or read the transcript here.
GGMS’s vision statement says, “Grieving Grandmothers of Military Suicide envisions a time when every member of our armed forces, regardless of rank or position, is treated with dignity, respect, care, and appreciation.” These quotes, like many other parts of Pete Hegseth’s speech, stand in stark contrast to our vision.
I am deeply grateful to those of you who made a donation, wrote to lawmakers, and shared the website with others. Lawmakers begin to pay attention when they get multiple communications focused on the same topic, in our case, ending self-harm behaviors among our service members, so please continue to reach out to them. Our ultimate success depends on your continued support.
Please note: 100% of donations go towards website hosting and maintenance, advocacy work, office supplies and equipment, printing services, and postage. We pay no rent or utilities (my office is in my home), and we neither get nor pay wages.